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About
- Who are you?Funny you should ask that.
I'm Ross Drummond.
I'm 22.
I'm from Aberdeen, Scotland.
I'm living in London, England.
I'm performing Standing Up Comedy.
He also sits down.
I have never nor will ever perform sitting down comedy. Guaranteed.
I've been performing since November 2010.
In February i was in the Semi-Finals of the new act competition at the Soho Theatre.
Let's see what happens next.
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Posts
- Performances
UPCOMING PERFORMANCES
Taking a break from Comedy whilst the rest of the world spends all their money on playing to 7 people in a corner room of a pub in Edinburgh.
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PAST PERFORMANCES
Wednesday 27th October 2010, 1930 - £free
Party Piece @ Queens Head, 66 Acton Street WC1X 9NB
Monday 8th November 2010, 1930 - £Free
Jester Jesters @ The Plum Tree, 54 Farringdon Street EC4A 4BD
Wednesday 24th November 2010, £2
lol-comedy @ 21 Pepper Street, E14 9RP
Saturday 13th Novemeber 2010, 1930 £5/6
Laughing Horse Comedy @ The Savoy Tup, 2 Savoy Street, WC2R 0BA
Wednesday 1st December 2010, 1930 - £Free
Touching Cloth @ Dirty Dicks, EC2M 4NR
Saturday 4th December 2010, 1930 - £6
Laughing Horse Comedy @ The Cricketers, 20 Fairfield South, KT1 2UL
Monday 6th December 2010, 1930 - £5/6
Laughing Horse Comedy @ The Savoy Tup, 2 Savoy Street, WC2R 0BA
Monday 13th December 2010, 1930 - £Free
Electric Mouse @ The Red Lion, 48 Parliament Street, SW1A 2HN
Monday 20th December 2010, 1930 - £Free
Electric Mouse @ The Red Lion, 48 Parliament Street, SW1A 2HN
Thursday 20th January 2011, 1945 - £Free
Electric Mouse @ The Regent Pub, Liverpool Road, Islington
Tuesday 1st February 2011, 1930 - £Free
Party Piece @ Queens Head, 66 Acton Street WC1X 9NB
Friday 11th February 2011, 2030 - £6/5 Students
Laughing Horse Comedy @ The Goat Tavern, 3 Stafford Street, Green Park, W1S 4RP.
Wednesday 16th February 2011, 1930 - £Free
Touching Cloth @ Dirty Dicks, EC2M 4NR
Thursday 24th February 2011, 1930 - £6
One Night Stand Up @ Soho Theatre, London.
Monday 14th March 2011, 2000 - £Free
Comedy Bin @ The Bowery, New Oxford Street.
Friday 25th March 2011, 2000 - £2
Mugging Chickens @ The Coach & Horses, 173-175 Clapham Park Road, SW4 7EX
Wednesday 30th March 2011, 1930 - £Free
Touching Cloth @ Dirty Dicks, EC2M 4NR
Thursday 7th April 2011, 1945 - £Free
Electric Mouse @ The Regent Pub, Liverpool Road, Islington
Thursday 14th April 2011, 1930 - £TBC
Comedy Variety Night @ Up The Creek, 302 Creek Road, SE10 9SW
Tuesday 3rd May 2011, 1930 - £Free
East Meetes Jest @ Belushis 9 Russell Street, Covent Garden, London, WC2B 5HZ
Wednesday 11th May 2011, 1930 - £Free
Touching Cloth @ Dirty Dicks, EC2M 4NR
Wednesday 18th May 2011, 1930 - £Free
Touching Cloth @ Dirty Dicks, EC2M 4NR
Sunday 29th May 2011, 2000 - £Free
Sir K Rah’s @ The Wilmington Arms, 69 Rosebery Avenue London, EC1R 4RL
Tuesday 7th June 2011, 1930 - £TBC
So You Think You’re Funny @ Ginglick,1 Shepherd’s Bush Green, London W12 8PH,
Thursday 23rd June 2011, 1930 - £TBC
Comedy Variety Night @ Up The Creek, 302 Creek Road, SE10 9SW
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Tweets
- “@TheAVClub: Hulk Hogan almost starred in The Wrestler and played bass in Metallica, according to Hulk Hogan. http://t.co/Tl4cEx7P” #YES
- French People who spell Steve, Steeve. YOU IDIOTS.
- And don't say the economy cos that's fucking bullshit and you all know it.
- What causes the correlation of people on the edge of crazy and the amount of plastic bags they horde?
- Look out LOLSTERS! I'm performing again tonight! This time, Greenwich. http://t.co/aUMLFBVL @UTCVarietyNight
- 2 Hour Mad Men Episode on March 25th. Amazing.
- Ran out of deodorant by the time I got to pit two, I smell half of dove, half of Old Spice. Kind of like a Metrosexual Grandad.
- My Top 3 #lastfm Artists: Arcade Fire (29), Metronomy (29) & Motion City Soundtrack (26) http://t.co/amO47peo
- Spambots! and 4 followers. I've got a 5 minute set tonight here: http://t.co/BbNnkuNs I'll be unveiling this… #fb http://t.co/ctxfFSzK
- I never wrote in it though.
- My livejournal blog is going to get purged. That's such an emo ending for such an emo thing.
- Announcing Pubic Pay As You Go. My pay as you go wax removal service. I use my friend Ben, some ear wax, a wish and a penny!
- On a separate note, Moneyball may be the only film i've ever read the book of, can't wait to watch it and say that thing people who read say
- My #oscarnoms would be like Harry from #1direction coz he's soooOOOOoooo cute!
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Posts
- Jul 13, 11
Rupert Murdoch claims his own voicemail hacked.
Realises he just doesn’t know how to use his mobile phone.Controversy was abound this week after News of The World (or NoTW to those with a dislike to typing) and other reputable newspapers such as The Sun may have hacked into the Voicemail of celebrities, politicians, victims of murder and of terrorism. Not very nice really.
Today it was announced that News Corp the company that owns said newspapers as well as Fox and most of the real estate that remains in Hell has pulled out of their bid for BSkyB. This almost jewel of the crown will come as a striking blow for News Corp owner Rupert Murdoch, but the pain doesn’t just end their.
Rupert Murdoch is now rumoured to be reporting that he too has been a victim of his own voicemail hacking.
‘Every morning I check my messages on my personal telephone’ Murdoch is rumoured to have said. ‘But my usual 10 minute pep talk from the ghost of Hitler was missing this morning! It’s disgusting, how dare they invade my privacy, giving me false hope that indeed the fürhrer is still alive!’
In fact, It quickly came to light from one of the Aides of Murdoch that the senile and vile old man had in fact been deleting the messages himself. We managed to get an e-mail from the Aide.
‘I’ve worked for many top Executives, Evil Masterminds and Wealthy Ass holes, but Mr Murdoch’s daily dose of ignorance to the modern world is often quite startling! Usually the first thing i’ll do for Mr Murdoch is print his e-mails out to him, he believes that computers are predominantly harbingers of the devil. It’s funny actually, I remember him trying to pay for pornography once by inserting his Titanium AmEx card into the CD Drive!’
‘At his request, I’ll print his e-mails out onto paper made up of the small shreds of integrity that his top employees give up every time they pay private detectives to invade and destroy the lives of the innocent. He finds that the letters really pop off the page that way. They must always be in size 54 Comic Sans, “It’s more fun!” he often says’
‘I remember the morning he thought he’d been the victim of the very thing that brought the News of The World down, his favourite brand of toilet roll coincidently!(though i intersperse it with the Sun because it’s more regular.) It was too much amusement when i saw the old man struggling once again with his mobile phone, a Nokia 3310, his fingers so decrepit with greed often struggle with punching the keys on the 10 year old phone and he’d deleted the messages! I made sure that Fox News made up two extra stories about President Obama and those sneaky Democrats that day, just to keep him perky.’
Mr. Rupert Murdoch was unable for comment as he’d mistakenly put his phone on silent whilst it was in his pocket.
- May 30, 11
Here’s an article i wrote today for those confused about the allegations going on against FIFA.
FIFA and Footballers stupid.
Some football fans in disbelief.The world has this week been shook to it’s very core this week as FIFA, the international football association, has been accused of bribery and corruption.
FIFA is an association of people with a lot of money who may have at some point in their life shown some interest in the sport of Football, or Soccer, if you’re wrong. The accusations that are being slung around in the press are not to be taken lightly. The Tooth has been able to get to the heart of these slanderous accusations.
1) A country that most football fans probably didn’t exist is to host the World Cup.
Qatar, a tiny country which is rumored to be built upon Oil and Louis Vuitton scarves was in the running for the 2022 World Cup bid. Known for it’s esteemed footballing history and almost endless supply of money, it has been successful in hosting the world cup. Rumour has it that for every vote that went towards Qatar, a local village boy from the Oil Rich state would come and valet said voters car whilst filling it with the finest Shell Total Plus Unleaded.
An intern at FIFA thought he heard Jérôme Valcke, the governing body’s secretary-general say; ‘The interior of my Mercedes SLK hasn’t felt as soft as when young Mimi conditioned it with the tears she saved up from years of suppression.’
2) Someone in control of a lot of money gave it to his mates, told his colleages. ‘I’ll sort it later.’
Not dissimilar to when you’ve just been paid and you feel good buying drinks for all your mates only to disparagingly log on to your online banking the next day.
FIFA president Sepp Blatter has been accused of handing out $1m to Concacaf (Like the F.A only in America) to spend on projects as they saw fit. ‘Go have a laugh he said. I didn’t know what $1m looked like in Cocaine and hookers, it was really quite underwhelming if i’m honest, soured further by my boss reminiscing over the good old days with Maradona, before he got fat and wore shit suits.’ an unofficial spokesperson for Concacaf said.3) Someone in control of a lot of money spent it on his mates.
Not dissimilar to when you’re in control of a huge sports association with an annual income of $1.3 billion and you spend it on computers and laptops to 13 Caribbean football associations that are close to your heart.
Patricia Drummond, former cleaner for the Trinidad & Tobago office and one of the stadiums got in contact with us. ‘It’s fantastic now that all of Trinidad & Tobago have iPads. The boys are really knuckling down and getting bigger and better scores on Angry Birds, some of the boys even learnt how to illegally download apps, £5.99 for FIFA 11 seemed a bit expensive after all. They even gave me one of those little iPod Nano’s. Now cleaning the changing rooms isn’t quite the chore it once was.’
- May 10, 11
This morning I wrote an article about the government allowing those with a big of wonga to get into the university of their choice. I wrote it in a library in the off chance that it too was shut down before I could never write in one again. I submitted it for publishing on thetooth.co.uk but in a shock turn the Tories backpedaled. I thought it was hilarious regardless and if you’d like to read it or comment on it, then I thank you.
Government to put a price on priceless education
More posh people to be allowed into posh universities.The government today announced a new way for them to avoid getting into more debt due to their fuck ups by giving preferential treatment to those with more money.
In a shock revelation from the coalition government, those with more money will be able to get into universities that favour those with more money.
Ministers say that the ability for toffs to buy places at top universities will allow the likes of Milton Keynes Polytechnic and Skegness School of Arts to fill places on their often under subscribed degrees of BA(Hons) Royal Weddings and BSc Recreating Meals from the Television series Nigella’s Kitchen.
The government are also keen to allow the companies it doesn’t apply corporation tax to, to sponsor degrees.
Julia from Northampton was excited at the prospect. “I can’t wait for prospective employers to see that i’ll have worked hard for the last 3 years to obtain my 2:2 in BSc Physical Education sponsored by McDonalds. Though McDonalds are insisiting that it be classified as a BSc (Lovin’ It) in Physical Education.”
Sources close to the Department of Education say the white paper, due to be released this summer, was written whilst listening to The Rolling Stones.
Education Minister Michael Gove had this to say:
‘Myself and the rest of the Department of Education were recently sent a fantastic mixtape from Margaret Thatcher. She just loves a good toe tapper! Though that could be the parkinsons, it’s hard to tell these days..
And it’s funny, I was at a loss as to how make more cuts but then, well. I was just filling out an expenses form when “You can’t always get what you want” by The Rolling Stones came on. I remember being handed a telex from David Cameron that he was given by Mrs Thatcher and i think she was paraphrasing but it just had this fantastic line from it.
‘You Can’t always get what you want, but if you’re from an affluent background, well, actually you can’ And that really hit home with me and I know that a lot of my close friends children who’s brightness is comparable to that of an energy efficient lightbulb when just turned on, are just going to be overjoyed.’
Both Mick Jagger and Osram bulbs were unavailable for comment.
- Feb 12, 11
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